


The Doctor is in

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [320]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alphabet Challenge, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:24:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 14,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5059279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Clint wants to be an Olympian, but his doctor says no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I know nothing about medicine and everything here is made up. Also, the rest of the alphabet challenge will be filled in this same verse. I don’t even recognize some of the words here.

“Go ahead and sit down, Mr. Barton.” The handsome doctor said, gesturing to the seat in front of the desk. 

Clint sat down quietly, awaiting his test results. 

The doctor absently paged through the folder in his hand as he walked toward the desk. He sat down with a repressed sigh, and placed the folder down. “Your test results came back and it is my pleasure to tell you that you have passed, above average as it would seem.” 

“What does that mean?” Clint asked, careful not to get his hopes up. If all goes well, he’d be allowed to go back to competitive archery. 

The doctor, Phil Coulson, as the plaque on his desk declared, removed his glasses and placed it in his breast pocket. “Apparently, your coach, Miss Romanov, has requested for this meeting.” Clint nodded. “It has come to her attention that you’ve been sluggish lately. Feeling a bit under the weather, if you will.”

“But you just said that I was fit as a fiddle.”

“I did, and I stand by that assessment.” Phil turned the folder towards Clint and showed him his results. “As far as I’m concerned, there is nothing your coach should be worried about.” Phil declared.

Clint read through the file; the first page was filled with basic details. Name, age, blood type. The following pages got more and more complex. From Acid levels, to agility matrix, Adrenalin from the hormone tests. Words Clint didn’t even know: Angularity, Aspiration. Page after page of things Clint even didn’t know about himself. 

“So, what’s the problem? Can I go back to competing or not?”

“No.” 

“But I thought-” 

“Yes, but your awareness for your own faculties leave something to be desired. A few months ago, you had an injury in your lower left abdominal. Knowing this, you still participated in the competition whereas your coach asked you to withdraw, this led not only to your winning second place, but also to you opening your wound. Is that true?”

Clint sighed but nodded.

“I see. Well then, it is in my professional opinion that you not be allowed to compete until you complete a series of short term assays to-”

“That’s not fair.” Clint interrupted.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m headed for the Olympics, Dr. Coulson. I know that might not mean much to you, but to me-”

“I am aware of the asymmetric relationship between my career and yours, but it still isn’t-”

“Then let me compete.” 

“I cannot do that. As ambiguous as it may sound to you, I’m doing this for your own good. Your desire to win has endangered your body, that, if left as is, will cause irreparable damage. I can do many things, Mr. Barton, but I cannot bring your body back to its full capability once you’ve caused it that much damage and neither can any one else. The best I can do id offer you suggestions on how to improve your regimen so that it keeps your body… intact, even while training.” 

Clint was silent for a long moment, a frown still on his face, before he conceded with a nod. 

“Very good. So until further notice, you are not to pick up a bow without my or your coach’s authorized knowledge. Am I understood?”

“Yes sir.” Clint said mockingly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed, like, two words. damn.

Clint stomped through the broad hall with such ferocity that everyone steered clear of his path. “Where is she?” Clint demanded when he stepped into the office.

Everyone in the room froze then their eyes shifted all towards the same direction where Natasha sat calmly at her desk, brushing her hair. Clint huffed and marched straight toward her. 

She gave him a bored look and went back to her hair. 

“What the hell?” Clint asked, outraged. 

“What the hell what?” Natasha asked calmly.

“You made that doctor guy bench me.” Clint accused her. 

“You were injured, and you were beyond reason. I had to enlist the help of a professional. Your behavior left me no choice.” Natasha placed her brush down and faced her computer.

“What behavior? I was doing exactly what you told me to do.”

“No, Clint, you weren’t. You were way past your breaking point and you were still pushing yourself. You weren’t listening to anyone but that voice in your head that kept telling you you’ll never be good enough. Your body has boundaries, Clint, in case you didn’t know.” Natasha glared at him. 

“Oh yeah? Like when?” Clint was never one to back down, even if it was against Natasha Romanov, the scariest coach SHIELD has ever employed.

“6 months ago, you had a broken wrist. You were instructed to let it heal, but what did you do? You broke the cast way too early and started training again, because, and I quote, you didn’t want to get held back on training.”

“I DIDN’T.” 

“Clint, you were way ahead on training. Even if you were out for half a year, they wouldn’t be able to catch up to you.” 

“Injured doesn’t mean I can slack off, that’s the first and most basic thing you taught me.” Clint let the feeling of betrayal fuel him. 

“Yes, but you are abusing your body. Bloody, bruised, or beaten up, you still push yourself, which is not and will never be good for you. How do you not understand that?” 

“I DO!” All the fight drained from Clint. “I do. I just want to be able to compete. It’s all I’m good at, Tasha. If you take that away from me… Stupidity is in my bloodline… I didn’t even finish High School for fuck’s sake. All I have is archery.” 

Natasha sighed, stood up and rounded her desk. She ran her backhand against his cheek in a comforting fashion. “That’s not true, and everyone here knows that. You are without a doubt the smartest person I know. But, yeah, sometimes you can be stupid.” 

Clint smiled softly and rolled her eyes. “I’m your asset. You’re being biased.”

“I would never.” Natasha fake gasped. She then turned and studied the beautiful flower arrangement on her desk, she ordered one everyday at the botanical shop, She picked the baby’s breath and handed it to Clint. “Here, give it to that doctor guy. I know he’s your type.” Natasha winked at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/131816843606/my-mom-is-here-my-stress-level-just-skyrocketed)


	3. Chapter 3

Phil took out the sample chemicals Bruce had sent him from the cabinet carefully. There was no one in the labs, so surely they wouldn’t mind if Phil used their burners for a bit. 

“What kind of doctor are you anyway?”

The voice almost made Phil drop the vials in his hand. Luckily, he held on to it tightly. Phil placed the vial rack on the counter and turned around - there stood one Clint Barton. Phil sighed, but picked up the vials again to go back to his station. Clint followed him.

“I mean, what kind of physician hides away in a chemistry lab?” Clint narrowed his eyes at him. “Are you secretly a meth dealer?”

Phil maintained his calm, he’s dealt with worse patients before. “No, Mr. Barton. I’m not a meth dealer. How did you get in here?” Phil poured in the blue and green vials into a beaker and stirred. He then moved to measure a few grams of a red powder and added it to his mixture. 

“Then what are you doing?” Clint scrunched up his nose at the weird sweet stench of what Phil was now in the process of boiling.

“This, Mr. Barton, is…” Phil slowly poured the citrine colored liquid into a paper cup. “my lunch.” Barton’s responding reaction was enough to entertain Phil until the end of the day. “Also, you didn’t answer my question; How did you get in here?”

“I followed you.” Clint shrugged. 

“I highly doubt you’d be able to follow me without my knowledge.” Phil countered.

“Well, clearly, I can.” Clint said with confidence.

Phil wanted to roll his eyes at the man, but professionalism prevents him from doing things like that, so Phil settled for staring at the ceiling for a second. “Follow me. You’re not even allowed to be in here.” 

Phil gathered his things and lead Clint out of the labs and into his office, through a few flights of stairs, enough to make them both pant and Phil’s drink cold.

“What? You guys can’t get an elevator, or something?” Clint complained.

“We have one. It’s under maintenance. Would you rather have taken that?”

Clint didn’t answer him and settled instead for a leer.

“Besides, your cardiopulmonary responses need work if you’re winded out by just that.” Phil pointed out.

“Bullshit. You’re panting just as hard as I am.”

“Yes, but I’m not an athlete.”

“Which means you have an above average Cardiopulmonary response. That, or you were trying to impress me by pretending to not be winded after that.” Clint pointed out.

“You wish.” Phil rolled his eyes this time. He struggled for a bit to get his keys out of his pocket, and was quietly figuring out how to possibly unlock his door while carrying a beaker, a few vials, his drink, and his lunch, when Clint held out his hand.

“Here, let me.”

“So, the legends are false. Chivalry isn’t dead.” Phil quipped, dropping the keys into his hand. Once in his office, Phil placed his lunch on the table while his lab equipment on the sink. He sat behind his desk, and gestured for Clint to take a seat. 

Clint sat down and was about to open his mouth to say something when Phil raised a hand. “Consultation hours are from 13-1800H. I still have 5 minutes in my lunch break, so if you wouldn’t mind?”

Clint sighed audibly but conceded.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what is that in your drink?” Clint asked,

“Kool-aid and melted gummy worms.”

Clint choked. “Seriously?”

“No, it’s a kind of herbal tea that had to be boiled according to specific instructions.” 

“Oh, for a second there, I thought I had to check you for cavities or something.”

“Even without the cavity in the cup, I have a terrible sweet tooth, so I just might take you up on that offer.” Phil told him.

“Then my first doctor decree is that you cutback on the sweets. No more sugars. Ever.”

“doctor decree?”

Clint shrugged. “It sounded better than ‘prescription’”.

Phil wrapped the remainder of his lunch and placed it away just as the clock struck 1, and turned to Clint. “So, Mr. Barton. What can I do for you?”

“Oh, right. Yes. We’re back. Um. I need you to allow me to play again. Natasha says I can’t even practice without your go ahead.”

Phil rounded his desk and placed his stethoscope on. “Shirt up, please.” 

Phil’s hand chastely caressed Clint’s chest from the center to the collarbone, pressing the end of the stethoscope on the archer’s skin. Phil stared at his watch and after a few seconds, gave Clint a nod. “Your heart rate seems to be back to normal speeds even after the extraneous exercise, so I think you’re good to go for an hour or two.” 

“The elevator isn’t really busted, is it?” Clint pulled down his cottony shirt.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Phil denied.

“Liar.” Clint accused

Phil found the banter oddly comforting. He even expected Clint’s visits to be a consistent part of his week in just a few months. At this time, Phil should have probably been more conscious of how his relationship with Clint developed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil stood off at one side, taking notes of how Clint was moving. He was so engrossed in his observations that he didn’t even notice that Natasha was already standing next to him. 

“He’s very devoted.” Natasha said.

With his thoughts disturbed, Phil turned to glance at her for a second then back to his clipboard. “I can see that.”

“How’s the damage to his wrist?” She asked.

“Well, it’s fully healed, if that’s what you’re asking.”  _Otherwise I wouldn’t have allowed him to pick up a bow_ went unsaid.

They both went back to silently observing Clint until said archer cursed out loud. Phil frowned and turned to Natasha.”If you don’t mind my asking, what’s fueling this desire of his? His passion to archery? It can’t possibly be just because he’s competitive.”

“Why not?”

Phil didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure why it couldn’t possibly be just because Clint’s competitive. Phil’s gut is telling him that there’s more to this man’s story and Phil’s willing to discover what that is.

“He’s deaf.” Natasha said after a long while of silence, Phil looked up. “He’s also been bullied his entire childhood.” 

“We’ve all been bullied.”

“Yeah, but unlike you, Clint didn’t have anyone to disagree with the bullies. He didn’t have anyone to defend him from their words. When you’re that age, you believe everything. He grew up with the belief that he wasn’t good for anything other than this. That’s probably why he’s disciplined himself to devote everything into this one thing - the one thing he knows and believes he’s good at.”

Phil didn’t respond just continued to watch Clint. From where he was standing, Clint looked perfectly at peace. Outside the range, you wouldn’t even think that he’d had a rough time but that’s probably the idea.

“What about you?” Natasha asked suddenly.

“What about me?”

“Why’d you become a doctor?”

“To help people.” 

Natasha hummed. “That sounds rehearsed. No offence.” 

“None taken. The real story actually has more depth. It has action, mystery, romance, comedy, a dancing robot for the children. It starts with a dare, and ends with a debt.” Phil said in a deadpan tone.

Natasha huffed. “I’d watch that movie.” 

“I doubt it. It’s very draining. emotionally, I mean. The robot ends up drowning.” 

“Spoiler alert.” Natasha teased.

Phil huffed and gave her a smile.

“Okay, let’s make a deal. I’ll tell you my story, if you tell me yours.” Natasha offered. her delicate fingers outstretched to a handshake. 

Phil smiled. “No thanks. You have to at least be a level 7 friend to unlock my deep, dark, dangerous, origin story.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Nick was right. You  _are_  perfect for each other. You’re both such huge dorks.” Phil raised an eyebrow and she held up both hands in mock surrender. “That’s a good thing.” 

Phil ignored the first parts of what Natasha said, in favor of watching Clint again. no, wait. He’s observing. There’s a difference. Although, early as it was, Phil couldn’t deny that he was drawn to the archer. The only thing that kept his defiance fueled was the line that he swore he would never cross: Sleeping with a patient. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/132945414826/my-friend-brought-over-that-100-piece-puzzle)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to reiterate that I don't know anything about medicine and this is all made up. I don't even know what kind of doctor Phil is. XD

“Deep breath in.” Phil instructed. Clint did as he was told, holding his breath in. “And out.” Clint exhaled, relaxing as he did so. Phil moved the chestpiece away from Clint and wrote some stuff down on his clipboard.

“What are you always writing on that thing?” Clint craned his head to peek at the clipboard, only for Phil to take a step back. “Well then, excuse me for trying to know if I’m healthy or not.” 

Phil rolled his eyes. “I’m going to be out of a job if I let you do that.” He said with an amused expression. 

Clint rolled his eyes right back. “So, how am I lookin, doc?”

“Like an exhausted mess.” Phil commented. “Put your shirt back on. The examination is over. The regimen proved to be very efficient with respect to your PT.” Phil walked over to his desk while Clint put his shirt back on. “And the exercises seem to be effective. Your energy levels seem to be above average. Plus your injuries don’t seem to be strained which is excellent news.”

“But…?”

“But what?”

“There’s always a but to these things. So. excellent news… but?”

Phil sighed. “But there isn’t sufficient evidence that you should be out of the regimen.”

“See, there’s the but.” Clint grinned at his choice of words. “So, lay it on me. How much longer am I going to have to train under your care?”

“You make it seem so appealing. How can I ever say goodbye?” Phil said, emphasizing his words with sarcasm.

Clint frowned, with an exaggerated pout. “You don’t. Come with me, and we can ride off on my noble steed with the setting sun shining on our skins. The planes before us painted by the orange rays. There is nothing that can stop us because in the end love will always prevail.” Clint said dramatically, his fist clutching something invisible in front of his face.

“Hmm. The elegance of the picture you painted is tempting except its not enough. I’m going to have to decline.” Phil smirked.

“Can’t you feel it?” Clint went around the desk and took both Phil’s hands, despite the string of ‘no’s from the doctor, causing his clipboard and various other papers to scatter on the ground. “Our love is electric. We’re like two opposing magnetic poles. Nothing can keep us apart.”

“Except for a rock in between us or enough distance.” Phil stated. “Besides, I thought we were functioning in a Victorian setting, what with the steed reference? I’m pretty sure magnetic polar reactions hadn’t been introduced yet.” 

“I’m genre-mashing. It’s more emotional.” Clint explained. Phil didn’t even have time to retort before Clint dipped him. “Oh, my love-”

“Am I interrupting something?” 

Both men turned their heads to find  Natasha looking either amused or judge-y. Going by how ridiculous they probably looked at the moment, Clint is going to go for amused. 

Clint un-dipped Phil and they stood awkwardly next to each other. “I was in my element.”

“Uh-huh.” Natasha nodded. “And your element is… what, exactly?”

“We were just messing around.” Clint rolled his eyes at her, but she from where she was standing, she could see the color rise up in Clint’s cheeks. 

“Right. Dr. Coulson, I came here to get him off your hands, if that’s okay.” Natasha smirked.

Phil cleared his throat and nodded before he bent down to pick up his papers. Clint helped him not a second later, and mouthed ‘Sorry.’ at Phil. Phil shrugged and arranged his papers. “I’ll email you the results then, Ms. Romanov.” 

“Natasha, please.” Natasha gave him a smile, ushering Clint out the door.

Phil doesn’t understand why, but he felt like he just received Natasha’s approval.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133013319991/so-the-im-thing-finally-appeared-on-my-dash-you)
> 
> I'd like to reiterate that I don't know anything about medicine and this is all made up. I don't even know what kind of doctor Phil is. XD


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint’s plan for the day did not involve a fist fight in a dark alley. Yet, somehow, that’s where he found himself just as the sun was fading, forcing himself up to stand up to three more guys, the other four were on the ground now passed out.

Clint spit out the blood that was dripping from the side of his lips and he smiled at them. “I’ll give you one more chance to run away, and I won’t kick your asses.” Clint warned them. Even to his ears, the threat sounded like a joke. No wonder the guy in the front scoffed and looked back at his pals. 

He was glad he still had the energy to say that quip. He was starting to feel faint, and that’s never a good sign. He had to finish this fast and furious style. All he had to do was focus. _Keep going. You have them surrounded._  Clint understood the technical impossibility of that sentence, but the pep talk seemed to work, and he was not going to question that.

With fists back up in the air and in front of him, Clint firmly pushed off of the wall and took on a fighting stance, clear look of exhaustion on his features. Clearly, he was going to lose, but hell if he’d let these guys catch him frightened.

“Hey. What’s going on here?” A voice asked from the entrance of the alley. The light framed the man’s body so Clint couldn’t see exactly what the man looked like; also his field of vision might have blurred a couple of punches back, but he didn’t seem to be with these thugs.

“None of your business. Get out of here before you regret it.” One of the three men said, obviously dismissing the man as a non-threat.

“I can’t do that. That man needs first-aid attention.” The man said, tilting his head toward the bleeding Clint.

“Oh, don’t worry. We’ll give him plenty of attention.” The other guy said.

“What the hell does that even mean?” The first guy asked with a frown. 

“Just… This is my moment. Don’t take away my moment.”

Clint snorted. He’s going to hit that guy last.

“Look, Nobody here wants to get hurt any further. So I’m just going to ask you guys to-” 

The man was cut off when he first guy rolled his eyes and turned to the second one. “Kill him.”

The second guy grinned, showing off his golden tooth, and flourished a butterfly knife from his jacket. Clint felt a moment of fearful panic for the man.The second guy didn’t waste any time, slashing and cutting through the air with no regard of what damage he made - but that was probably the point.

The guy stabbed at the man, only for the man to duck and capture the man’s arm in a grip. He turned the guy’s arm, folding at the elbow, effectively incapacitating him. The man hit the guy in the face once, and knocked the guy out. 

The first guy frowned and turned to the last guy. The last guy smiled and took off his shirt, flexing his muscles. “Let’s dance, pretty man.”

The man took on a fighting stance and when the guy tried to attack, the man simply stepped sideways, making the guy crash into a bunch of trash cans and knocking himself out. 

Idiot.

“This isn’t over.” The first guy called out, even as he ran away.

Clint slumped against the wall, his former strength seeping out of him.

“Clint. Clint, snap out of it.” The man said, kneeling next to Clint

Clint looked up at his savior to find that it was his mild-mannered, snarky doctor looking at him with concerned eyes. “When did you get here?” Clint asked.

“C’mon. We gotta get you to a hospital. You might have a concussion.” 

Clint poked the fabric of Phil’s coat. “You fight good.” 

“I was barely fighting.” Phil put Clint’s arm over his shoulder and hoisted them both up with a grunt. “C’mon. Stay with me. I can’t carry your heavy butt all the way to the hospital.” 

Clint laughed when the fibers of Phil’s coat, the one tickling Clint’s face whenever it rested on Phil’s shoulder. “Tickles.” He explained to Phil. He doesn’t tell Phil about how nice he thought Phil smelled, and how that scent made the butterflies in his stomach flutter. That’s probably just the concussion talking, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133073994736/im-so-happy-i-only-have-one-class-day-next-week)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Ow!” Clint pulled away from the hand currently stabbing his face with a cotton ball. “Be gentle with that thing.”

“Barton, it’s a cotton ball.” Phil said, trying to dab Clint’s face wounds with the cotton ball once more. 

“Yeah, well. It kinda feels like a thousand little tiny knives stabbing my face.” Clint complained, holding the doctor’s hand away from him.

“Well, if you quit moving, it’ll hurt less.” Phil chastised him with a smile. Clint sighed but conceded. Maybe the more he cooperates, the faster this will be over.

They stayed silent for most of the stitching and patching up of Clint’s wounds, aside from the occasional hissing and shushing - from Clint and Phil, respectively. After Phil was finished fixing Clint’s face, making sure that there weren’t anymore glass shards anywhere, he gathered his supplies to put them back and Clint found it to be the perfect time to ask.

“Where’d you learn to fight?” The glint of curiosity in his eyes couldn’t be hid even if Clint wanted to.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t fight.” Phil told him with faux casualness. “It’s not my fault the people you were fighting with are genetically morons.”

“Generally, I’d agree with you.” Clint said, raising a finger up to emphasize a point. “but after seeing you in that alley, I don’t. Yes, the guy who ran into the trash cans was a little stupider than most, and the guy who ran away probably pissed his pants at some point… but the first guy, the one with the knife, he had a knife, and if he was as good as the other four, then you’d have to know how to fight to knock him out as easily as you did.”

Phil seemed guarded, well more so than usual, which - probably - meant that Clint was getting close to the right story. “So my guess is that you  _do_  know how to fight, and you’re just hiding that in this mild-mannered persona you’ve created. Maybe, a mugging gone wrong? Only, you weren’t the casualty. It was someone you loved. And even though you’re a doctor, you couldn’t save them. Which is why you took lessons. To prevent it from happening again. Not on your watch.” Clint grinned, knowing he hit the nail on the head. He’s glad he watched so many Brooklyn Nine-Nine episodes with Natasha. Guilt was always a good catalyst for someone to have an alternate persona.

“Cute.” Phil commented. “But completely false.” Well, Clint liked Brooklyn Nine-Nine for the comedy. “If you have to know, I was trained in Jiu-jitsu when I was young, and I’m a retired Ranger. I know my way around violence.” Phil finally gave in.

Clint gasped. “Oh my” He fanned his face with his hand and imitated a damsel in distress from the old west before snorting. “C’mon man. At least put some meat into your story. At least mine was dramatic.” 

At Phil’s silent answering gaze, Clint’s eyes grew. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“That story was real? Like, really, genuinely real?”

“Hard to believe I was in the rangers?” Phil asked with a challenging raise of the brow, very intimidating.

“No. That part was easy to believe. The impossible part was the jiu-jitsu.” Phil always did seem like he had the same grace of someone who was trained for war, unflappable and had an air of badassery even while wearing something as boring as a gray sweater. 

“Anyway, I suggest you keep off the training for a few days, at least until some of the bigger bruises heal, then we’re back to the regimen.” 

“Wait, you’re grounding me?”

“Not the term I would generally use, but yes. You’re grounded.” Phil smiled over his clipboard, clicking the golden pen in his hand.

Clint sighed and ran a hand against his face, only to wince when it hit a couple of wounds. He probably shouldn’t complain, he gained another thing to add to the list of interesting things about Phil Coulson - the list was getting a little long and if he were to actually write it down, he’d probably on the fifth page now - and all it cost him was a few days of no training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133146296726/i-just-finished-watching-hoje-eu-quero-voltar)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I’m just saying… He might be fun to spar with.” Clint paused from doing his jump rope exercise. “He’s got formal Jiu-Jitsu training. That faced with my unconventional fighting style… It could be interesting.”

Natasha looked up from her stopwatch and scoffed. “You wish it was interesting.”

Clint frowned. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

Natasha hummed in lieu of an answer then, “Come on. Pick up the pace. We’re not even through half of your work out. I have places to be.”

“Remind me again why I keep you as my coach?” Clint rolled his eyes but continued jumping. 

“Because I’m your best friend and nobody wanted to train your skinny ass.” Natasha smiled sweetly.

“Okay, One, Harsh. Two, My ass is very handsome. Thank you very much.” Clint paused again. “Besides, if you need to leave, I can finish the work out on my own. I’m not going to accidentally hurt my hip-bone or something.”

“Yeah, no thanks. Normally I wouldn’t hesitate saying yes to that offer but the last time I took it, I came back with you in a wheelchair and Gomez limping. Obviously, you’re a harm not only to yourself but also to others around you. I’m not risking it.”

Clint rolled his eyes again, pretending he didn’t see the hidden concern in her eyes. 

“So…. Coulson, huh?” Natasha asked.

“What about him?” 

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, as if trying to determine whether he was kidding or not, “You like him.” She stated simply.

“Of course I like him.” Clint shrugged. “You like him too, right?” 

“Not in the same way you do, sweetie.”

“Wait. Are you implying that I  _like_  Coulson?” Clint asked.

Natasha just shrugged. 

“No. I don’t  _like_  Coulson. What even made you think that? He’s annoying. I mean, he’s great as a friend, sure, but as a doctor? He’s, like, the most annoying person there is. I can’t stress how annoying he is enough.”

“Clint, honey. Listen to yourself. You’re clearly in denial.”

Clint scoffed. “Hardly. Can we just- Let’s just drop it, okay? Let’s talk about something else.” Clint offered and Natasha shrugged. “I mean it’s not like I like listening to him talk because he gets that husky sounding tone every once in a while. And his eyes are clearly not blue enough. I mean, yes, sometimes it changes color depending on the light, and maybe, just maybe, I like the little hints of grey in his eyes when the light hits him just right, but I’m talking about the aesthetic of it. Just the aesthetic. And it’s not like I find the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles cute. Or the way he has to have every document he has handwritten adorable. Or that we’re nearly the same height so kissing him would probably- Shit.” Clint froze, his once heated argument subsiding to make way for panic. “I  _like_ him. Shit. How did this happen?”

“Well, you do have the habit of falling for his type…” Natasha answered with a shrug.

“What type? Annoying? Oh my god. He annoyed me into liking him. Shit. It all happened so fast. I can’t even remember how we met. Fuck. It’s like everything is one hazy memory. I can’t- I don’t remember his face. Oh dear lord, no.” 

“Clint. You’re harbouring a crush on the man. It’s not the end of the world.” Natasha tried interjecting.

“You’re right! This is way worse!” Aaaaaaand…. He’s pacing. Great. Getting Clint to admit that he has a crush on Phil? Yeah, definitely a hollow victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133299669016/now-i-remember-why-i-dont-like-drinking-im)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Tasha, no. I don’t- wait- stop. You’re violating my personal space. I can’t. Okay. This isn’t ideal. Quit shoving me.” 

Phil frowned as he rounded his desk to get to the door, opening it to find Clint Barton with his hand raised mid-knock.

“Hey, Phil.” Natasha greeted. “We’re back to get Clint’s bandages changed.”

Phil narrowed his eyes at both of them but stepped aside to let the intruding pair in, gesturing for the exam bed for Clint to sit on. “His injuries were not as intense as one would think. I thought Clint would’ve been able to handle them on instinct alone.” 

“Yes, well. You thought wrong. Clint has these insane ideas sometimes that are more trouble than they’re worth.” Clint interjected with a impudent  _‘Hey!’_ but was thoroughly ignored. “And I, as a concerned friend and co-worker, only worry about his wounds getting infections.”

Phil blinked at her with quiet suspicion, ignoring the horrible evil step-mom impression and gathering the gauze and the ointments and the tapes to fix Clint back up. Phil didn’t mention the way Clint was mumbling something under his breath that could probably be the real reason why they were both there. Instead, Phil sighed and got to work. Most of Clint’s wounds didn’t need any more dressing up since most of them have healed - or at least they looked like they were healed. 

“Shirt off.” Phil said, cutting the last piece of tape for Clint’s cheek.

He was met with an unintelligent stuttered “Wh-What?” Maybe Phil should check for a concussion. 

“Shirt off.” Phil said again, this time the question included a raised eyebrow. “The last time you were here you had cuts on your torso deeper than the ones on your cheek. I’d like to check them?”

“Oh, yeah. Right. Of course.” Clint nodded, holding on to the hem of his shirt. Clint’s eyes met Phil’s and then Clint froze, patting down his shirt. “Umm, could you- do you think, maybe you could, I don’t know, turn around?”

“What for?” Phil cocked his head slightly to the right in question.

“I just-”

“He’s self conscious.” Natasha answered for Clint.

“No.” Clint denied quickly. “I’m just- I can’t-”

“Wouldn’t I still see you without your shirt on once I turn back around?” Phil asked.

“I just need you to turn around okay? Is that so impossible? Is that illegal in the state of New York? I didn’t think so. So could you please just-”

“Okay. Okay. I’m turning around now. Sheesh.” Phil did turn around and after a few seconds turned back around to a slightly red faced archer. He’s pretty sure it wasn’t the heat because he’s made sure that the air conditioner worked perfectly on the interior of his office. “Are you okay? You seem a little flushed.” Phil held Clint’s neck and pulled him so that their foreheads rested together.

There was a beat of silence in the clinic before Clint scrambled to get away. Natasha scoffed from the side and Phil blinked. “I’m-I’m sorry. Was that- Is something wrong? I was just checking your temperature…” 

Phil blinked more at the tomato-faced archer and then at Natasha. Clint scrambled to get his shirt back on then jumped from the bed, suddenly very impatient to get out of Phil’s office.

“Wait. What about the bandages?” Phil called out.

“Give em to Tasha! I don’t care.” Clint called back.

Phil turned to Natasha with a confused frown. “Was it- Was it something I said?”

“No, it’s just part of Clint’s whacked out identity.” Natasha assured him.

“Oh, okay then. Umm… He just seemed like he had insects in his pants. Please tell him I’m sorry if I did anything wrong.” Phil said.

“Phil, trust me on this. You did nothing wrong. He’s just…. a little jumpy from not getting his full workout schedule back.” 

“Oh well, if that’s the case, then I can fix that easy. His results came back, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong internally, and he can start on his regular work out starting next week. Between today and next week will be a gradual increase in his regimen until we’re back to a hundred percent again.”

“That’s great news! Clint is going to be thrilled.” Natasha assured him. “He’s been creating instances where he gets to exercise lately, and its honestly gotten a little ridiculous.”

“I’ve also written a prescription for his intake, nothing serious, just vitamins and something to keep his energy up.”

“Thank you, Phil. I- We appreciate it. Come visit us at the range anytime, okay?”

“Sure. My door is always open for you too.” Phil said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133344545551/hey-guys-if-you-have-some-spare-cash-that-you)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Well, do you want the good news or the bad news?” Natasha asked, closing the door to Clint’s apartment behind her.

Clint removed the arm he covered his face with to turn an unimpressed frown at her. “Does it matter?”

“You’re right. Good news first.” She said, sitting down next to him. “Good news is that Phil cleared you. You’re back to full training as soon as next week.” 

Clint perked up at that news. “That’s great! Wait. What’s the bad news?” 

“You don’t have a reason to visit him anymore.”

Clint sagged. “You’re right. What am I gonna do?” He stood up and started pacing the living room while Natasha leaned back like this was a normal thing for both of them. “I can’t just go there without rhyme or reason.”

“Why not? You could ask him out. You know, like what adults do when they’re single and attracted to someone…” Natasha suggested.

“No, that’ll never work. What I need is to-” Clint’s thought was interrupted by the door to his apartment swinging open.

“I’m back, losers.” Tony greeted. “And Uncle Tony brought back presents!” 

Natasha rolled her eyes at him. “Stop calling yourself Uncle Tony. It’s creepy.”

Tony smiled at the red head and spread his arms. “Ah. Natasha. Always a pleasure to see you’re taking the ‘Make yourself at home’ comment. I never should have said that.” Tony joked.

“Where’s Pepper?” Clint asked before Natasha could reply.

“She went home.” Tony waved the question away. “Tired, Jet-lag, work tomorrow. You know the drill.” 

“Jet-lag? I thought you went to New Jersey?” 

“No, why would Pepper and I go to New Jersey? We went to Jersey. You know, Channel Islands?” Tony gave him a look that screamed Duh and Clint shrugged at him with raised hands. “Which reminds me. Presents. Here. Think fast.” Tony threw two small bags at Natasha and Clint. 

Clint took out the contents of the bag and raised an eyebrow. “Jack-knives?” 

“Yeah. ‘coz you’re both clearly obsessed with sharp objects but aren’t psychopaths. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?”

“I like it.” Natasha said, already playing with her knife. “Thanks, Tony.”

“Uh-Uh-Uh.”

“Don’t make me use this on your jugular.” 

“Tony’s fine.” He conceded. “AND FOR ME” Tony took out a jar with a lid.

“A jar?” Clint asked.

“Not just a jar! It’s a jar with dirt in it!”

“O-kay. And we’re the psychopaths?”

“We are watching Pirates of the Caribbean tonight.” Tony announced. “So, what did I miss? How’s life? Jobwise? I hear you’ve been banned from the Olympics because you sold narcotics to the judges. How’s your jail buddy? Lenardo Francisco Jefferson Montoya III?”

“What?” Clint spluttered. “Where the fuck did you hear that?”

“4chan.” Tony shrugged.

“None of that is true.”

“Yeah.” Natasha agreed. “He just got suspended for a few weeks, met the love of his life, got mugged, realized that his doctor was the love of his life, got released, reinstated back for training, and now has no viable reason to visit his doctor-crush.” 

“Hey!” Clint protested.

“Hey, hey. Don’t worry, buddy. This is a judgement free zone and we love you, no matter what.” Tony placed a comforting hand on Clint’s shoulder. “So, tell me more about this doctor fellow. Is he handsome?”

“Yes!” Clint answered.

“Smart?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” 

“Funny.”

“He has the best sense of humor.”

“He sounds boring. I say dump him and let’s find a hot blond in Vegas.” Tony put his arm around Clint.

Clint pushed him off with a laugh. “Jerk.” 

“Okay. What have you done so far?”

“Stared at his jaw while trying not to drool.” Natasha answered for him.

“Did not.”

“Okay, maybe that’s a little exaggerated. He just ran out of the office when Phil tried to take his temperature.” Natasha smirked.

When Clint didn’t deny, Tony laughed so hard, he had to hold on to the couch. “Man, that is so juvenile. Why the fuck did you run away?”

“Phil’s method of taking temperatures is unconventional.” Natasha answered.

“What? Does he shove the thermometer up your ass or something?”

“No, he leans his forehead against mine.”

“Okay, justified.” Tony nodded seriously. “You want to see him, right? Have you tried faking an injury?”

“What? Just go ask the man out. there’s no reason-”

“No, no. Tony might be on to something. I’m kind of an adrenaline junkie. I could have a joint fracture or something.” Clint agreed and Natasha, honest to goodness, facepalmed.

“We could have your bones jutting out of your skin and we could cover the outside with red jello so that it looks like clumpy blood.”

Natasha sighed, and picked up the New York Journal. There was no point in telling them that that’s not how prosthetic make-up works. They’ll just have to figure it out on their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133533433601/to-think-i-actually-paid-good-money-for-internet)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Tony.” 

“Ssshh.”

“But Tony.”

“I said Ssshh. Now Ssshh.”

“Tony, for fuck’s sake.” Clint sighed, putting his newspaper down.

“Put your newspaper back up. You’ll blow our cover.” Tony hissed.

“We’re in the middle of the park. Kneeling behind bushes. while pretending to read newspaper. Any illusion we had that we’re blending in, yeah, that’s gone.” 

“Of the two of us, who is famous? Well, famous-er”

Clint sighed. “You.”

“And who gets stalked by the paparazzi and the occasional creepy fan?”

“You.”

“So, who knows how to avoid detection?”

“You.”

“That’s right, kid. So stick with me, kick back, relax, and soon enough you’ll have the knowledge to sweep him off his feet. And you both can ride off to your happily ever after in a kingdom where you’re his knight in shining armor, and you can kiss under the stars.” 

“What?”

“I’ve been reading fairy tales in children’s hospitals all week. You’re not allowed to judge me.”

Minus the fairy tale element, the sound of Clint sweeping Phil off of his feet and kissing under the stars did sound great. 

Clint sighed and put his newspaper back up. “Fine. What do I do?”

Tony grinned. “Okay. This mission requires stealth, fast reflexes, a strong mind, and a stronger kidney, if we’re going to get him drunk.”

“I think you mean liver.” Clint corrected, folding his paper in half to stare at Tony. 

“I’m also extremely hungover.” Tony explained. Clint shook his head fondly but put the newspaper back up. “First thing we need to do, is we find a target. Lucky for you, you already have one. Now the hardest part when talking to a person you’re attracted to, is beginning. You can’t open with an extremely strong line, because then they might think you’re a freak, and you can’t open to soft, because they might think you’re just reaching over to get to the peanuts on the bar.”

“I can tell you’ve experienced both.” Clint smirked.

“Lies and Slander.” Tony declared, with a finger pointed up. “Now, the key to starting a conversation is to find a common ground. Find out what kind of person they are without actually talking to them. And to do that, you’re going to have to be very observant.” Tony took out something from his pocket and looked through it at the people passing by. 

“Take that woman, for example.” Tony jerked his head in the direction of the lady leaning against a rail, texting. “Beret, and an Eiffel Tower phone charm. Either she’s really into French dudes, or she wants to go to France someday. Use that. That guy over there.” Tony jerks his head towards a guy sitting on a park bench with a magazine. “He’s big on fishing. so maybe you can talk to him about Kingfishers or milk fish, or something. I don’t know.” 

“Tony, you’re looking through a kaleidoscope.” Clint pointed out.

“This was the only thing that 99 cent store had that could pass as binoculars.” Tony waved the concern away. “Point is, You need to find something you can talk to him about. Whether its Kamikazes, broken bones, or knitting, collecting knobs I don’t really care. Just find something. Once you get to talking, and you have him wrapped around your finger, you go in for the kill.”

“Easier said than done.” Clint sighed. “We’ve never had a conversation that wasn’t about why I was in his clinic.”

“The point is to find something that you  _can_ talk about. Think back. In his office, was there anything that seemed out of place somehow? Or maybe he mentioned something out of hand. Think, Barton. Think.”

“Well, he talked about this special tea thing that he said he liked.”

“Good. Good. Do you like tea?”

“No, dude. I live with you. You know I need my caffeine.”

“You’re right. What else?”

“Well, he did have that one Captain America trading card kit- no, set displayed on his desk. It was encased between two sheets of glass and looked really valuable.”

“So you like Captain America?”

“It’s Captain America, who hates him?”

“You’re right, that was a stupid question. Well then, there you go. You have a topic of conversation. Now all you have to do is talk to him about Captain America and charm him a little, then, boom. He’s your kept man.”

“What? I don’t want him as my kept man. I want to go on a date with him.”

“Po-tay-to. Po-tah-to. Either way, happy ending, right?”

Clint rolled his eyes. Maybe he should ask Pepper what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133604287011/2-more-reports-an-exposure-and-a-few-more-exams)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Where’s the loyalty, huh?” Tony yelled in the lobby of Stark Industries. “Fine! Your loss! I never loved you anyway!”

Clint covered Tony’s mouth with his hands and waved at the people passing by, staring at the commotion they were making. “He’s joking.” Not that it mattered, Tony owned the building - Heck, Clint is convinced Tony owned most of New York. “Would you keep it down. You’re making a fuss.” Clint hissed at him before he let him go.

“I’ll make a fuss if I want to make a fuss.” Tony declared. “And it won’t change the fact that you’re still making a mistake.”

“I’m going to ask Pepper for advice. How is that a mistake?”

“Look, I’m saying this as her best friend and ex: Pepper’s lame. She doesn’t know how to have fun. Every idea I have she says might be a liability. Okay, maybe not  _every_  idea. But she’s not fun like I am.” Tony insisted. “Don’t tell her I said that. She might cut my balls off.”

“She can do that? You’re not even dating anymore.” Clint pointed out.

“Yeah, but her heels are still lethal.”

“Yeah, well, she might be lame, but you’re a lunatic. I don’t want to end up locked up.” Clint raised a brow when Tony opened his mouth to speak. “ _Again.”_ He stalked off, leaving Tony in the lobby. 

“That was a misunderstanding! I accidentally picked up the wrong hookers. Can’t we just laugh about it?” Tony yelled, running after Clint.

Clint tried to walk away as fast as he could, pretending he didn’t know the ‘eccentric’ Tony Stark. In the end, Tony managed to slip through the elevator door just as it was closing.

“All I’m saying is-” Tony continued. Clint groaned and banged his head on the elevator walls. This was going to be the longest elevator ride ever. “you didn’t even bring her a gift basket.”

Clint sighed. “What are you talking about?”

“Who visits a friend’s workplace without a gift basket?”

“Who visits a friend’s workplace  _with_  a gift basket?” 

“ _Polite people._  But don’t give her strawberries. She’s allergic. Learned that one, the awkward way. Maybe give her lemons.”

“A basket full of lemons?”

“Yeah, why not? Can’t possibly be worse than strawberries, right?”

Clint was going to say something but the elevator dinged, announcing that they have arrived at their floor. It wasn’t that difficult to locate Pepper’s office, considering the only other doors were for conferences but Clint still lingered in the hallway. 

“What’s the problem?” Tony asked, when Clint wouldn’t walk any further.

“I’m nervous. I mean, I know Pepper’s not going to laugh at me or anything like that but she’s a big time CEO now. She wouldn’t care about my silly problems. What if she’s too busy and find my presence annoying?” Clint confessed. “Maybe I should just come back another time.”

Tony held on to Clint’s hand. “Now, now. Pepper might be a big shot CEO” Tony encased the last three words in air quotes “But believe me, it doesn’t take too much of her time. I was the CEO before her. I should know.”

“Even when you were the CEO, she was the CEO.” Clint rolled his eyes at him.

“Okay, one, I liked the self-loathing you better. There was less picking on me. Second, Pepper thinking you’re annoying is the least of your problems. When you walk in there and disrupt a very important meeting, she will not only rip your lungs out but possibly rip those pretty little lashes of yours one by one, then for the pièce de résistance, she’ll choke you with her lace hem.”

“Wow. Great pep talk.” Clint said sarcastically. 

“That’s what I’m here for.” Tony joked. When Clint still didn’t move, Tony sighed. “Look. Pepper  _is_ busy.”

“Well then, see you later, I guess.” Clint turned to walk away.

“And she’s also stressed.” Tony continued, making Clint pause. “Lately, all she’s been doing is work. Going to Jersey was supposed to help her relax but when we got there, she wouldn’t get off of her stupid phone. And instead of a vacation, she made several deals with a bunch of companies based there. I know Pepper, and soon enough, she’s going to work herself sick. She needs to clear her head, even for a few minutes. So please. Maybe talking to you about your problems will help clear her mind.”

Clint smiled a little. “You’re a great friend, Tony.”

“I  _know_. I am, aren’t I?” Tony said with a sigh and a grin.

“Aaaaand, you ruined the moment.” Tony put his arm around Clint, leaning into the archer, so he couldn’t escape. “Now, let’s go see Pepper.”

Tony pushed the doors to her office open, practically tugging Clint beside him.

“Pepper!” Tony greeted.

“Tony.” Pepper sighed, then smiled when she noticed who was with Tony. “Clint.”

Clint gave a little wave hello. “Pepper.”

“Clint?” The man sitting facing Pepper said. He turned around, only for Clint to realize that it was…

“Phil.” Clint whispered.

“Phil, Clint. Clint, Phil.” Pepper introduced them.

“Clint.” Phil greeted.

“Phil.” Clint repeated dumbly.

“Phil?” Tony asked, facing Clint then Phil. “Phil?”

“Mr. Stark.” Phil held out a hand.

“Tony.” Tony said, accepting the handshake, then, turning to Pepper, “Pepper.” Tony chastised her.

“Tony.” Pepper mocked him.

“Okay, stop.” Clint raised both hands in surrender. “I’m starting to get confused.”

Tony’s eyes lit up. “And  _I’m_ famished. Pepper, we came to pick you up for dinner.”

“Dinner? We never planned to go for dinner.” Pepper narrowed her eyes at the other two.

“It’s kind of a last minute thing.” Tony insisted.

“Well, it is getting kind of late, I should head back.” Phil said.

“No.” Tony sort of yelled. He cleared his throat and composed himself. “Of course, you’d be joining us Phil. I simply must know you better.”

“No you don’t.” Pepper rolled her eyes at him.

“Yeah, Tony. No you don’t.” Clint gritted through his teeth.

“Side bar.” Tony declared, before pulling Pepper outside.

Awkward silence filled the room until Phil cleared his throat. “So, how’s your side injury. I never got to check them when you were last at the clinic.”

“Oh, they’re uh, it’s healing fine. Sorry, I just- I had a- bad- uh- burrito.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Thankfully, Pepper and Tony chose that moment to enter the office again. Tony locked his arms with Clint, and Pepper locked arms with Phil.

“Tony is right, Phil. You simply  _must_  join us.” Pepper said.

“What are you planning?” Clint hissed.

“Planning? Why, I would never conspire against you, Clint Barton. You are one of my best friends.” Tony said in a horrible acting accent.

“Remind me why you’re mine?” Clint muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133669345771/i-watched-the-suite-life-of-zack-and-cody-again)
> 
> I forgot luminous, sorry.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be a moment in Clint’s life where eating in an empty restaurant that Tony Stark rented for the night would seem weird, impossible even, but that moment wasn’t now.

Now, he just feels awkward.

“Isn’t this magical?” Tony asked, as the waiters took their plates away. “The food, the music, the ambiance. And that chocolate cake. Mmm. Melts in your mouth.”

Clint didn’t answer. Instead, he chose to glare maliciously at Tony. 

“What’s the matter, Clint?” Phil asked, casting Clint a worried look.

Clint turned to him and smiled, “I’m fine. Tony’s manners just getting to me, is all.” He gave Tony a pointed look.

“What? Me? I’ve been the perfect mature gentleman the entire night. My hands were above the waist, even.” Tony grinned. 

“Don’t make the mistake of getting Clint mad, Tony.” Pepper told him. “He may not be Bruce, but he can still kick your butt.” 

“Pepper, I’m hurt. You don’t trust me?”

“Not since college.”

“Well then, I guess Phil will be my companion tonight. At least he doesn’t shun me.”

“That’s because he doesn’t know you yet.” Pepper smiled behind her wine glass.

“I give it an hour.” Clint teased.

“Rude.” Tony frowned, then turned to Phil. “So, Phil. how long have you been in practice?”

“Give or take, 5 years.” Phil answered.

“What were you doing before medicine?” Tony asked.

“I was a Ranger.” 

“Clint was in the military too. He was their best marksman. He could shoot a moth from 10 miles.” Tony lied.

“I was not.” Clint countered.

“Oh, don’t be so modest.” Tony shushed him. “He’s very tough. and almost every one wanted him. He isn’t too bad on the mental department too. Our boy here isn’t just eye-candy, you know. They’ve got him analyzing maps, doing marches, forming strategies, measuring stuff. Did I mention he’s single? Totally in the market”

“Measuring stuff?” Clint asked.

“Like planes and shit. I don’t know, man.” Tony rolled his eyes and Clint mirrored him.

“None of that is true.” Clint sighed. “I’m just a guy who happens to be good with a bow and arrow and got lucky. Tony’s just being ridiculous.” 

“Oh, I’m ridiculous?”

“It’s getting pretty late,” Pepper interjected. “Clint, you should just walk Phil home. Tony and I have to get back to Stark Industries to finish up some more work.

“It’s okay, I’m fine on my own.” Phil said with a smile.

“It’s no problem at all.” Clint insisted. 

Phil gave him a nod. “Well, if you insist.” 

“I do.” 

“Pepper, Tony. It was nice spending the evening with you.” 

“The feeling is mutual, Phil.” Pepper nodded. 

“Let’s do this again next time.” Tony said, his wine glass raised.

“Next time.” Phil agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133804020126/at-the-very-least-im-tipsy-at-the-moment-the)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry… about, you know, my friends annoying you. Tony, mostly.” Clint said with a shrug as they both walked down the street. Phil’s place was only a few blocks away and it was a nice night - peaceful, no noise, no drunken groups, neat - completely the opposite the New York that Clint was used to.

“Nah, they were fine. Well, Pepper was. I think it’s in Tony’s nature to constantly get on everyone’s nerves.”

“I think he has a monthly quota, actually.” Clint agreed.

Phil chuckled. “Naturally.”

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, how do you know Pepper?” 

“Oh, after my Ranger days, I was the head of security for Stark Industries. I worked closely with Pepper a few years back.” Phil said nonchalantly.

“Oh, so after your Ranger career and before being a doctor, you were the head of security of the biggest technological company in the world… Yeah, okay.”

Phil chuckled again, the corner of his eyes crinkling in amusement. “Well, what about you? What did you do before archery?”

“I was sucking on a pacifier.” Clint joked. Well, he half meant that joke. but it got Phil to grin at him, so Clint was going to consider that a win. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “I was- uh- I was in the circus.”

Phil narrowed his eyes at Clint, clearly skeptical. “No, really.”

“Yeah. I was- Before the Famous Hawkeye was on the news, I was the Infamous Hawkeye: World’s Greatest marksman. I traveled the country with the circus - we try to avoid the north on winters - and one day this dude comes to me and offers to put me through College in exchange for joining the Olympics. And the rest, as they say, was history.” Clint recalled. He noted the way Phil was staring at him like he trying to figure out if Clint was kidding or not. Until finally, Clint broke the silence. “What?”

Phil shook his head softly, as if shaking himself out of a trance. “And you think my resumé is impressive? We need to update the dictionary you’re using.”

Clint laughed. “But you’ve done so many things! I’ve only ever had my bow.” That sounded a little too depreciating but it was the truth.

“You’re neglecting the fact that you were in the circus. Nobody can top that.” Phil argued.

“The circus did have its moments.”

“Do you miss it?”

“The people, yes. Severely. I call them all the time. The cleaning after the animals, and the questionable nutrition choices, plus the cramped beds I had to share with two other people, negative.”

“Three people in a double?” Phil asked.

“Single.”

“Oh. Shit. I think I have a new-found appreciation for my bed.”

“Believe it or not, that wasn’t the worst thing. When I first joined them, As an initiation of sorts, they actually had me look for a needle in a haystack.” Clint scoffed at the memory it brought.

“And?”

“And I used a magnet. Then they threw the needle back, and told me to do it with my bare hands. I looked for that damned needle for nearly 9 hours. My whole body was sore and numb from the cold that night.”

Phil laughed and Clint was just glad that story was good for something. “Oh.” Phil said out loud. “This is me.” They stopped in front of a brownstone with a navy blue door. 

“Oh, cool. I guess I should leave now. It was nice seeing you again, Phil.” Clint said, without actually moving to leave.

“You could- Do you want to come in for a bit?” Phil asked. 

Clint noted the way the usually stoic man seemed a tiny bit nervous - although that could also be just Clint projecting - and gave Phil a nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/133939408396/today-was-so-intense-2-reports-1-paper-3)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Well, someone looks chipper for an eight o’clock call time.” Natasha observed as Clint whistled past her.

“Huh? Oh. You know me. Just keeping the mood in here bright and sunny. Just like I always do.” Clint answered absently, a wide smile still plastered on his skin.

“Clint, it’s a Monday. No matter how much you love training, you hate Mondays more.” Natasha pointed out, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Maybe I’m getting a more optimistic outlook in life? Is that so bad?” Clint tried. 

“Yeah. Right.” Natasha narrowed her eyes, as if staring at Clint would automatically- “You got laid, didn’t you?”

“What? No! What?! No! Why would- What? Shut up.” Clint sputtered.

“Uh-huh.” Natasha rolled her eyes at him.

“I swear! I didn’t get laid. I just hung out with Phil for a couple of nights.”

“Nights? Plural? And you didn’t get laid?” Natasha looked just about as shocked as Natashas go. She held both of Clint’s cheeks in her hands and sighed. “Oh, honey. You must be devastated. Listen to me, C’mere. Listen, Listen. Occasionally, when a boy meets another boy there’s just no spark between them-” 

“What? No. We didn’t have sex by choice. It’s not like no one offered. We wanted to do things in order, you know? Dinner, getting to know each other, proposing to be official, it’s romantic. We think that the waiting will make the outcome sweeter, you know.” Clint explained, a small grin still on his face.

“It better be fucking sweet if you’re waiting that long for sex. What are you, an old-fashioned bitty? Did you take an oath that you swore to obey, or something? You’ve been borderline obsessive over this guy since 2 weeks ago, and now you’re telling me you’re going to wait?”

“Yes, Tasha. I really thought you would be the last person opposed to this. You keep telling me I ought to find a relationship instead of just a string of one-night stands? Where’s your open-mindedness?”

“I’ll tell you where it is as soon as you tell me where you hid the ‘sex-now-ask-questions-later’ Clint Barton that disgusts and worry everyone.” Natasha said faux-worriedly. 

“That guy is dead. He fell off of a cliff straight into the ocean, head over heels in love.”

“Oi.” Natasha sighed. “Fine. Fine, I don’t care. It’s none of my business whatever you choose to do with this- this organic relationship. Just try not to get hurt okay?” She placed a gentle hand on Clint’s cheek and smiled a private smile, just for the two of them. “These kinds of relationships tend to end the messiest. Believe me, I know. I just don’t want you to experience what happened to me.” She ran circles on his cheek with a sad smile.

Clint smiled back, holding her hand in place. “No offense, Tasha, but you’re starting to sound like my mom.”

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him and nodded. “Yes, but I bet your mom never had the occupation to allow her to do this: 20 miles around the court. Now.” Natasha ordered. 

Clint whined. It occurred to him maybe teasing Natasha was not a good way to start the week. End the week, maybe. Start? Definitely not, because best case was 20 miles a day. Worst case was her super villain origin story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/134117837261/theres-a-diplomatic-dinner-tonight-and-i-chose)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Clint opened the door to his apartment, he was assaulted by a small popping sound and about tiny handful of confetti. Tony stood to the side, holding a tiny party popper. 

“Tony, what-”

The genius wrapped his arm around his shoulder and dragged him away from the door, which Pepper kindly closed. “There he is. The man of the hour. I heard you did the walk of shame today. Tell me, how physical was it? Did you use protection? How parallel are we talking about here? Did you at least pace yourself? Wait, no. Don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know details about your disgusting sex life. Was it painful?” Tony ranted, pushing Clint to sit on the couch while he sat on the coffee table directly in front of Clint.

“We didn’t do it.” Clint shrugged.

Tony was silent for a second before he laughed himself silly. “That’s a great joke.”

Clint turned to Pepper then back to Tony. “That- That wasn’t a joke.” 

“You’re kidding me, right? You’ve got to be kidding me. Say you’re kidding.” Tony pleaded.

“I’m not. I mean, I stayed over but aside from cuddling - sort of - in his bed and eating breakfast together, nothing happened.” Clint insisted. 

Tony paled a little, but just a smidge. “What do you mean nothing happened? Not even a little make-out session?”

“Nope. We talked about a bunch of stuff and watched ridiculous reality TV, if you can count that.” 

“Nothatdoesn’tcount.” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “You mean to tell me that after the perfect evening we’ve painstakingly constructed for the pair of you, we practically paved you path, at any point during the night, there wasn’t even any form of intimacy between you two? That- That you passed?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say there wasn’t any form of intimacy. We sort of cuddled, remember?”

“What does that even mean? Sort of cuddled? You either cuddled or you didn’t. There is no in between.”

“Well, at the beginning of the evening, we were sleeping on different ends of the bed. When we woke up, I had my arm around his waist, and his head leaning on my chest. Sort of cuddled.” Clint explained. “It was nice.”

“Nice? Nice?! We weren’t going for nice. We were going for getting you laid. Were we not on the same page here? ‘Coz I genuinely thought we were.” 

“We are. But-”

“But what? Do you need me to get his permission and consent on paper before you jump his bones? Do you need me to pressure you? Because I can totally do that. Some sort of affirmation that you’re not violating any sort of policy? Better condoms? What? What do you need?”

“No, we just, you know, decided to follow the dating pattern. go on a few dates, kiss, all that mushy stuff, before we get to the sex.” 

“Ohmygod” Tony groaned, standing up. “You are impossible to work with!” He declared.

“Where are you going?” Clint asked.

“Parkouring.” He slammed the door to his room.

“What’s up with him?” Clint asked Pepper.

“Well, he made a bet with Steve saying that he can get anyone laid. Steve gave him a week.” Pepper explained.

“Why me?”

“You were the first one that offered the desire to get laid. Plus he already told Steve... so, he can’t back out now.”

“Ah.” Clint nodded in understanding.

“I think it’s sweet.” Pepper said, “What you’re both doing. Not everyone is willing to put in the effort of getting to know someone before inviting them to bed.”

Clint’s lip tugged upward, “Thanks.”

“Perhaps on your wedding I could be one of the groomsmaid?”

Clint snorted, amused, but nodded.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, you.” Clint greeted sweetly as sat down in front of Phil.

It’d been a few days since their innocent weekend secluded together and Clint was just about to go into Phil withdrawal. Luckily, Phil asked him out again. It didn’t even occur to Clint that he could ask Phil out if he wanted to.

“Hey.” Phil greeted back with a smile.

Just seeing Phil’s smile made a shudder run up Clint’s spine – the good kind.

“So, how’ve you been?” Clint asked after a while of silence.

“Good. And you?”

“Great. And you?” Clint tried to stop his mouth, but the stupid had already come out. He was left with no choice but to groan. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little nervous.”

Phil let out a sigh of relief. “Oh God, I thought I was the only one.”

“You were nervous?” Clint asked, clearly surprised.

“I was, I’m just better at subtlety than you are.” Phil teased.

“Hey, I’m great at subtlety.” Clint said, faux offended. Phil rolled his eyes at him and shook his head softly.

“No, you’re really not.” Phil insisted. “But do you know what I would consider as your strength?”

“No, what?”

Phil grinned like Clint just fell for his trap. “Come with me.”

With an invitation like that, Clint couldn’t help the way his body went on the self-defensive – in case Phil tried to stick his face in a pie or something.

—

“You’re kidding me.” Clint declared as he stared up at the sign of the establishment.

“C’mon. It’ll be soothing.” Phil insisted,

“I know it’ll be soothing. You don’t have to convince me of that.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Truth be told, Clint supposed Phil was one of those types of people that were too sophisticated for things like laser tag, and Clint would still sincerely like him if he was, but for Phil to bring him out for laser tag? Clint’s pretty sure he’s a little bit in love with the man.

With a smirk, Clint turned to Phil slowly, “I don’t want to make you cry.”

“So sure of ourself now, aren’t we?” Phil shoved Clint lightly, making the man sway. Clint swayed back to bump shoulders with Phil.

“Got something to be sure about. You ready to get scarred, Coulson?” Clint challenged.

“Oh please. You’re challenging me? I can make you wish you’re secure back in your home.”

“I’ll make this simple: If safety wasn’t such a priority for me, you’d be crying in sixty seconds, flat.”

“I can skin you alive for less than that.”

“Skip the sweet talk, honey. Let’s play.” Clint’s eyes twinkled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/135859443131/happy-holidays-everyone-my-brother-is)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here on tumblr

“Clint is an archer, so he’s likely to deal with long range attacks. We’re talking about aerial assault here. Now, his teammates, I doubt would have any sort of background with frontal assaults, so we’re going to have to assume that they’re going to spring a surprise on us. Three of you will keep the blockade, and when they do attack, we’re immediately going on a counter offensive. The rest of us will pan out and perform a blitzkrieg, trapping most, if not all, of Clint’s forces, leaving him standing alone against all of us. Any questions?”

It was more of a rhetorical question at this point, really, but one soldier raised his hand.

“Yes? What?” Phil said with a tone that wasn’t meant to sound impatient and threatening.

The soldier tensed for a second then quietly said, “I’m Twelve. And I’m the oldest one here, besides you.” He pointed out.

“What’s your question?” Phil asked. 

Okay. So technically Phil’s forces were tiny in stature, reaching up to his thigh for most of them while the tallest only reached his throat, but they’ve got the talent for this. Phil trusted that they could do this; together, they could make Clint cry like a baby, maybe.

Well, that was the original plan, at least, but now his team was down to four people, including him, Phil was starting to think that he might be getting himself into a tight spot. On the bright side, Clint’s team only had three people, so technically, Phil was still in the lead. Still, he had to be careful not to get caught.

Phil turned a corner, taking the flank of their tiny attack line. It only seemed logical to watch the children’s backs. What he didn’t account for, though, was that the children were all facing forward, therefore, they weren’t really watching his back.

Phil realized this mistake when he heard someone make the cocking sound of a gun with their mouth.

“Hello, Phil.” Clint’s voice sounded so smug, Phil almost didn’t want to turn around.

“Clint.” Phil greeted with a head tilt, managing to look just a little smug even as his chest faced the barrel of Clint’s gun.

“You seem troubled. Trembling, even. What’s wrong?” Clint asked sarcastically. He’s convinced that he’s got this game in the bag.

“Well, at the top of my head, you’ve got a gun to my chest. Most men don’t find that all appealing.”

“Don’t worry, sweetie. I’ve got a box of tissues for your tears later.”

“You might be able to take me out, but my team will still beat yours.” Phil promised.

“You mean those three chalk outlines my team is tracing around yours?” Clint’s eyes twinkled.

“You did not.”

“We did. See, we had little tolerance for your constant attacks, taking out more of us before we could regroup-”

“That’s kind of the point of the game.” Phil interrupted.

“-so we thought, to hell with it, we’re going to cream you even if there were only three of us. And we devised the perfect plan, leaving you alone for me while the other two take care of your teammates-“

A scream that could only be described as a war cry pierced through Clint’s testimonial. Clint turned towards the sound and Phil used the distraction to duck behind something.

“Shit.” Clint muttered, ducking behind a wall.

“You’re not going to get me, Barton!” Phil yelled.

“Just watch me, Coulson!” Clint yelled back.

That’s how all hell broke loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/135859559961/heres-the-second-one-tonight-what-did-you-guys)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t even know where to begin with you guys.” Natasha said, clearly upset. “I’d usually expect this from Clint, because he’s actually done this before, but you Phil- Weren’t you supposed to be the responsible one in the relationship?”

“Unfortunately I was not present when you voted that.”

Clint snickered at that but quickly smothered it when Natasha sent him a glare.

“I am very unhappy about this.” Natasha told them, although with the way she was frowning at both of them, there really was no need for her to say it.

“Relax, Tasha. No one got hurt for real, right?” Clint tried to placate her.

“I get called in the middle of my only day-off this month to be told that both of you were found unconscious in the dark. Exactly how was I supposed to relax after that?”

“It’s not that your concern is unappreciated, because it really is, but they’ve blown things way out of proportion. We were only unconscious for five minutes, besides, we caused the fainting.” Phil explained.

“We jumped a little too much to the right and ended up banging our heads together. Completely our fault. And completely unintentional.” Clint added.

Natasha sighed - there was really nothing left to do; though the urge to use Clint’s face as a punching bag as payback for making her worry was strong. “The trouble and worry you both put me through today was unappreciated but I am glad that you’re both okay. What were you two doing anyway?”

“Laser tag.” They answered in unison.

“You really shouldn’t be allowed to play laser tag, Clint.” Natasha commented in understanding. “Someone always ends up getting hurt.”

“Wait, are you telling me this isn’t the first time Clint got hurt while playing a harmless game?” Phil asked.

“Yes, well…I’m not the most careful person. And it’s not like the accidents were unforgivable. People were usually okay after a day or two.” Clint tried to defend himself.

“I still don’t get how you managed to utterly set a play field on fire from upstairs using a paint balls.”

“Oh my god.”

“You failed to mention the fact that there was a candle standing upright in the middle of the field.”

“Why would there be a candle in the middle of the field?” Phil asked.

“Stark put it there. He said it would confuse people and even the unapproachable players would be lured in by curiosity to it. It worked, for the most part.” Clint shrugged.

“Except for the burning the place down, that can’t be undone.” Natasha rolled her eyes at him.

“The fire wasn’t even that big. It was literally in a 1x1 space. Besides, there’s like an unspoken rule that whenever Tony Stark and I play anything, the loser pays for the damages.”

“So… I’m practically dating an anarchist?” Phil grinned.

Clint grinned back, “Why? You got a problem with that?”

“Talk destruction to me. You know I love it.”

“Dynamites. Jackhammers. Wrecking Ball.” Clint said, unable to keep the laughter from his voice.

Natasha stood beside the two men, sighing. “Why did I ever think you would be a good influence on each other?” She asked no one in particular.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/135859671591/its-3am-and-theres-so-many-people-in-my-room)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I’d say I did a good job of making her mad, wouldn’t you?” Phil said with a chuckle as they made their way out of the range, Natasha long gone.

“Who? Natasha?” Clint shook his head in silent amusement. “She wasn’t mad. Annoyed, maybe.”

“But she looked mad.” Phil countered. 

“There are various ways to tell if a person is mad, vocal intonation and visual cues are common, but with Natasha, it’s all in her eyes.” Clint said confidently. 

“Her eyes?” 

“Yeah, she gets this really intense glare going that makes you feel really vulnerable. She made this guy vomit one time just by glaring at him.” Clint laughed at the memory. 

“We were on our way downtown when this asshole almost ran over a pregnant cat. Natasha jumped in before he could, and this guy, he got off his car and started yelling at Natasha. She just showed him the cat and demanded that he apologized to it. Of course the guy didn’t want to, because he’s an asshole, but after five seconds of glaring at him, the guy paled, apologized, then started vomiting beside his car.”

Phil chuckled with Clint at the end of the story and said, “So she never raises her voice?”

“When she’s legit mad, no. Natasha has a vast variation for an ‘angry’ reaction, none of them involve shouting.”

“She doesn’t get violent, does she?”

“Not unless it was self-defense. Kind of like that virtue thing from Karate Kid? Never using your fists for violence or something.”

Phil shrugged. “I’ve never seen Karate Kid.”

“Not even the new one, with the Jaden kid?” when Phil shook his head, Clint groaned. “I can’t believe I’m dating someone who’s never seen Karate Kid.” 

“Yeah, well, you’ve never seen nor read Narnia.”

“Okay, how about this? We do a movie night at my place this weekend. We watch all of the Karate Kid movies, and all of Narnia.” Clint offered, his voice turning velvety all of a sudden.

Phil nodded absently, considering his options. “The no sex is still on the table right?” 

“Yeah, unless of course you want to remove it from the table. I can be versatile.” Clint waggled his eyebrows at Phil, making him laugh. 

“Sure. Let’s do movie night. Movie night can be our third date.” 

“Third, already? You should’ve proposed to me by now, right?” Clint joked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/136340082626/im-back-gais-ill-tell-you-about-the-adventure)


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint being nervous about his and Phil's third date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, done.” Clint whispered to himself as he put his phone down. Phil was coming over in a few minutes, bringing with him everything he had on the Narnia films, while Clint prepared his apartment for his visitor. Prepare, in this case, of course, meant getting Tony Stark to leave them alone for a few hours. 

Luckily, Clint didn’t have to that much convincing since he found Tony toiling away in his lab. It’s a widely known fact among their circle of friends that once Tony starts inventing something, he usually won’t come up for air for a couple of days without a good enough reason. 

Clint looked around the obvious bachelor pad he was standing in, and deemed it passable for a date night. He wondered for a moment if he should light some candles but thought better of it. Candles would be too much, right?

Maybe he could put some on the windowsill, just to give the place a more warm and romantic vibe…

Before he could think more about it, someone knocked on his door, making him wince. _Too late to get the candles,_ he said to himself.

Clint did a little pseudo-dance, debating if he should answer the door first or turn the TV on, in the end though, he opted for answering the door first. He jumped over the couch, his foot catching on the back of the couch making him fall ungracefully on the floor. Nothing wounded but his pride though.

“Sorry for the wait.” Clint said with a smile, as he swung the door open. 

“Are you okay?” was Phil’s reply, “I heard something fall.”

Clint rubbed the back of his neck while he grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, that was- I just got clumsy for a second. Why don’t you come in?”

“Thanks. Is beer alright? I was going to bring white wine, but I thought beer would be a better fit for movie night.” Phil said, handing over the six-pack to Clint so he could remove his coat. 

“Beer’s great. Pizza is on its way. Pepperoni fine?” 

“Yes.” Phil answered while hanging his coat. 

 _Now what?_  Clint thought to himself. Talking about the weather seemed like a totally cliche, not to mention incredibly awkward, move. Clint could ask whether the weight of a fish affects the way they swim, but then that would be totally random. Clint needed to find a topic that was within reason. Why the hell was thinking of a topic so damn difficult? Maybe he could ask Tony for help he’s great with interacting and people, then again, why wake the beast?

Clint wished he turned the TV on earlier.

“Do you want me to load up the movie?” Phil asked.

“Yes please.” Clint answered all too willingly before escaping to the kitchen to make popcorn. Clint pinched himself once on the back of the wrist and once on the waist, to calm himself down before the night went to waste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/136471863301/that-moment-when-you-know-the-next-week-aint)


	22. Chapter 22

Clint exhaled. There was no reason to be nervous. He’s spent the night with Phil before and that went perfectly. Okay, maybe perfectly was a slight exaggeration, but it went great, mediocrity at its finest. Tonight was going to be the same. Not exactly the same, he hoped there would at least be a little petting. Since the last time was actually less sexual than he had expected.

“Clint? The movie is staring.” Phil called out from the living room.

Right. Popcorn. His excuse involved popcorn and he’s been standing in the kitchen for two minutes, pacing. 

Okay, Clint. Relax. Just… relax. 

Clint grabbed the nearest edible thing he could and raced back to the living room. He sat next to Phil and smiled. “Hey, sorry. We’re out of popcorn. But I got… this.”

“An Apple?” Phil asked.

Clint looked down at his hand. The very same hand carrying a granny smith apple. “I hear it’s great for detox.” Clint shrugged. 

Let it be put on record that Clint is a sham of a human. He is the worst flirt in existence and he should just dig a hole right now.

Phil shrugged as well before he took the apple and took a bite from it, “So, tell me. What’s this movie about?” 

“It’s about a kid learning Karate. What else would it be about?”

Phil huffed and chuckled. “Right. What was I thinking?” 

And as they watched the movie, Clint couldn’t help but look at Phil’s reactions at his favorite parts. Karate Kid is one of Clint’s favorite movies, he had to make sure that Phil was reacting properly to it, okay?

Good news: Phil was reacting exquisitely. Clint was pretty sure he was slowly falling more in love with this man, and he couldn’t be any more excited about it. 

When Phil leaned his head on his shoulder, Clint did the gentlemanly thing to do, and flexed his arms, exposing his muscles, before yawning - to try and look exhausted - and putting his arm around Phil. Normal people would find the move completely cliched, but Phil looked utterly charmed by the whole thing.

So charmed, in fact, that he turned to Clint and started to lean in. Clint caught on to that cue and started to lean in as well, and they got closer, and closer until they were breathing in the same oxygen. And they were about to share the most amazing kiss…

…when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” came Tony’s voice. “Oh, hey Phil! I didn’t know you were here. Don’t mind me, just getting the door- Ooh. Pizza.” Tony gave the delivery guy a twenty that Clint had held out before closing the door and sitting next to Clint. “So. What are we watching?” 

Clint sighed, so Phil was the one who answered. “Karate Kid.”

“Cool. I like that movie. Complex context and great cinematography.” Tony rambled as he continued to eat the pizza that Clint ordered. 

“Shouldn’t you be in your lab?” Clint asked.

Tony hummed in return and shrugged. “My experiment is a success, but who’s surprised? I’m not. Hey how cool do you think it would be if the Karate Kid had x-ray vision?”

Clint groaned and Phil went back to watching the movie. 

The moment was gone.


	23. Chapter 23

“-I mean, that level of ability is amazing for a kid his age, but the scientific accuracy is garbage.”

“It’s a movie, Tony. It doesn’t have to be scientifically accurate.” Clint groaned.

“Just because its a movie doesn’t give it the right to rewrite the laws of physics.” Tony argued adamantly. “I mean, look, there is just no way that kick would have knocked that young guy over that far. Even if he was a hundred-pounds soaking wet, there’s just not enough force in that kid’s foot to-”

“Tony, if you don’t stop analyzing this movie and at least try to shut up, I will be forced to make you eat the contents of the nearest ashtray I find. Am I clear?”

Tony rolled his eyes and leaned back, muttering, “Crystal.” They’ve been using the same threat for years, but nobody in their circle of friends actually smoke, so the threat actually just served as a kind of reminder that the other was starting to get on their nerve. 

Phil yawned beside Clint, and rested his head on Clint’s shoulder. “Are you tired? You want to go to bed?” Clint asked him. He also had enough presence of mind to know that Tony was waggling his eyebrows and mouthing something about sly dogs at them even without looking, so Clint found it fit to just pelt the genius with a tiny balled up piece of napkin. 

Tony yelped, rubbing at his forehead.

“I’m okay. We can still finish this.” Phil said, holding in a yawn.

“Are you sure you’re not tired?” 

“No, they just keep yawning and I can’t help it.” Phil gestured at the TV before he yawned adorably again. 

Clint smiled, imagining the possibility of any future with Phil; waking up next to this man, marrying him in front of all their friends when the sky was at its bluest, starting a family, picking out toys for the kids on Christmas, adopting a dog for the kids, moving into a stereotypical suburban house. Its awfully cliched but Clint yearned for it just the same. There wasn’t much left of their youth but Clint wouldn’t have spent it any other way.

The knock on the door broke Clint’s daydream and he turned towards the door just as Tony stood up, briskly heading for the door. 

“Who’s here?” Clint asked.

“Oh, I kinda felt awkward being a third wheel around you guys, so I invited everyone else for an impromptu movie night! Don’t worry, I had them pick up more food.” Tony waved his concern away. 

Clint made incoherent arguments before settling for a groan. Phil simply snickered beside him, the bastard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/137697034766/more-i-mean-that-level-of-ability-is)


	24. Chapter 24

Sometimes Clint wondered how evil his friends truly were. Sure, they might be model citizens in public - volunteering in animal shelters, soup kitchens, helping little old ladies cross the street - but they also enjoyed making Clint’s life as agonizing as possible.

It’s not like his and Phil’s plan to watch movies at Clint’s was a secret, so they must have realized as soon as the door opened that Clint and Phil were on a date. But, instead of leaving, like Clint had telepathically pleaded them to do, they all made themselves comfortable in the living room.

It amazed Clint sometimes how thick people can get when it’s convenient.

“I brought Pizza.” Steve announced as he placed four boxes of pizza on the table. 

“I brought vodka.” Natasha said with a shrug presenting two bottles, one crystal clear, the other, a bronze liquid. “and whiskey” 

Before the bottles could touch the table, Clint swiped them, effectively removing him from the comfort of nuzzling Phil. “Oh no. No drinking tonight.” He was met with groans and complains. “No. Tonight is supposed to be a lazy type of night. Not a crazy-bizarre-hangover-remake kind of night. I want you all sober enough to leave here by the end of the night. or, you know, at least not puking all over the place.”

“Boo. When did you become our mom?” Tony complained.

“When I had to clean after you disgusting creatures the last time you got drunk here. Tonight is zero alcohol night.”

Bruce shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to settle for sugar.”

“I want the largest size a soda company produces.” Tony announced.

“I’ll take a group of over-energized friends than drunk, especially if I’m not drinking with them.” Clint explained when he went back to cuddling with Phil. 

“Then why don’t you?” Phil asked, puzzled.

“Well, because I’m not a pretty drunk. My vision gets fuzzy, I get dizzy, I challenge everyone and anything to darts, I engage in screaming matches with posts, then I usually end the night by puking in an alley and sleeping on said puke.” 

“Even if you drink at home?”

“I find a way to escape the captivity of the front door.”

“’Tis true. We once found Clinton, deep in slumber, despite the drizzling rain, in a dark alley a few ways over the horizon.” Thor piped up, slapping Clint on the back with a force that almost broke his back.

“We found him in Staten Island.” Steve translated. 

Clint winced.

“How’d you find him?” Phil asked.

“We split New York into zones that we had to search, and after an hour of searching, Tony gave up, went home and built a tracker to find Clint’s phone.” Bruce explained.

“Took him 20 minutes.” Steve added.

“17, but who’s counting?” Tony shrugged. The rest started to talk over each other about the events of that day, completely losing track of the conversation. 

“I like your friends.” Phil told him. “They care about you.” It doesn’t take a genius to realize that one.

Clint smiled, kissed Phil’s cheek and turned to his friends, the toddlers in disguise. “Okay, Everybody zip it. I’m starting the next movie.”

For once, Clint’s life was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one. YASSS. I'm not sure what happened, and I'm not even sure what's going on with the story, but its done. so. yeah.
> 
> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/137751265161/i-wanna-draw-so-bad-the-motivation-and-muse-is)

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/131759956271/disclaimer-i-know-nothing-about-medicine-and)


End file.
